Jetlag + missed meds = ded!llama

My flight on Wednesday ended up getting cancelled – there was a problem with the plane and after working on it for most of the afternoon/evening, 4 or so hours after we were due to fly, they cancelled the flight. Aer Lingus put us up in a hotel (Crowne Plaza, nice, thank you), fed us and we flew home the following afternoon.

They had some difficulty finding me a flight from Dublin back to Birmingham (apparently Birmingham is a super mythical place where no planes go) and I ended up being checked in really late and was given a seat in row 40. Which with crutches is super awesome, y’know? And I was stiff as it was.

The flight crew were awesome, took one look at me hobbling onto the plane, looked at my ticket and moved me to an empty seat in row 12. I actually ended up with both seats to myself.

Unfortunately, I then had an allergic reaction to my meal. My specially booked meal that was supposed to have nothing I’m allergic to in it. Super! I didn’t taste peppers/chillis but the rice tasted… not quite right so I didn’t eat a whole lot of it. About 30 minutes later? My stomach cramps and I just about make it to the plane toilet before violently emptying out of both ends and almost passing out. We’re talking ‘they had to put the toilet out of order’ levels of ill. Not fun.
Took allergy meds, started feeling better maybe 15 minutes later and the flight crew were super in checking in on me the rest of the flight home.

I should have got back to Birmingham at like 5pm on Thursday, got back at 12pm on Friday. The wheelchair assistance guy actually took me all the way to the platform to get my train, a complete stranger wheeled my suitcase to my taxi and the taxi driver carried my suitcase up to my flat. People are awesome. I was completely exhausted and ended up napping for about 2 hours. Woke up, ordered pizza. Went to bed about 10, slept HARD, woke up convinced it was about 3 – and it was like 1. I fell asleep again around 7am on Saturday morning, woke up Saturday lunchtime. Didn’t actually get out off bed.

I think it was a combination of jetlag, finally coming down with the crud I’ve been fighting off the last couple weeks and a depression hit since I’d missed my meds effectively on Weds, Thurs and Fri. Yeah, not so good. The crash has not been fun

I got to sleep around 10:30 last night, slept til about 4. Futzed around for a bit, went back to sleep around 7:30 and woke up at 10. I actually made it out of the house and got to Tesco. I changed the last of my dollars back, got some groceries and am now on my couch watching Netflix. I’d intended on doing shit around the house, setting up my bujo for 2018 but honestly? I don’t think I have it in me. I’m still wiped so I’m gonna Netflix and chill for the rest of the day. Just started watching The Night Shift after a few recommendations and I am in love.

Tonight I need to try and get sleep schedule sorted because tomorrow is Monday and there is work. BOO!

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When you feel like letting go…

Apparently, sometimes you just need to dance in the rain!

It’s been an… odd couple of months, mental health wise. I’ve been struggling and trying to deny it and back on my meds for three weeks now. I had the nightmare 10 days or so of riding out the waves of side-effects. Obviously, the meds aren’t fully functioning yet but I’m starting to see some admittedly small changes.

This week… this week has been very stressful at work.
Facilities me has been run off her feet sorting out the after effects of a fire in the warehouse.
Finance me has had some pretty epic yelling suppliers. There have been tears and there have been tantrums!

It all came to a head on Thursday afternoon. I snapped at a supplier on the phone, I hid in the loo and cried multiple times. I ate my weight in chocolate a few times over. I was… shall we actively fighting the urge to do something stupid. I mostly achieved it.

Throw in a hellish drive down to London on Friday (it took me 7 hours to drive 170 miles!) and the weather at the weekend and I almost said fuck it and didn’t go.

But I did.

Saturday, in an utterly shocking statement, I went to a Raintown gig. They were playing in Canada Square as part of Nashville meets London. Kicked the whole thing off which was AWESOME. It was slightly damp in the way that I was soaked through my pac-a-mac. I’d hit the point I was completely drenched, couldn’t physically get any wetter.

I just… I let go. I was singing my heart out, crying my eyes out, laughing, and just… yeah dancing in the rain. It was what I needed.

Yeah, going back to work pretty much killed me this week. However, there have been no disasters and I’m starting to feel like I’m actually getting caught up on things, so there’s that. Hurrah. My routine is getting pretty settled and I’m feeling positive. 🙂

I’m also doing pretty well towards most of my January goals: I avoided the vending machine at work all week, I’ve been drinking at least 1.5l water a day, I only went to Greggs once and I didn’t order in pizza.
I lost 4lb – my weight is down to 207. *cheers*

I also found my fitbit and charger and charged my fitbit and got a baseline of my food and walking over last week. Which means I’ve been able to give myself a goal for the coming week of walking 6050 steps a day or 2.5 miles a day. I’m aiming towards a daily calorie intake of 1300.

I’ve also been writing. As well as that John solo fic, I’ve written like 3k of Jack/Cam and I found and have been editing an old unfinished CW RPS AU fic.

It’s been a good week! 🙂

An actual update

Hello everyone.

Long time no post, but I’m pleased to be able to say that I’m doing… pretty ok, actually. I still have the odd bad day but no, things are good. I’m back down to the lowest dosage of my mirtazapine, propranolol is now only 10mg as and when needed and I’m completely off the zopiclone.

I started a new job in June and it’s going really well. I’m a ‘general services clerk’ for a local electrical engineering company supporting facilities/premises, finance and legal. It’s mostly just raising purchase orders, placing orders and sorting post but I’m really enjoying it. It’s 08:00-16:30 Mon-Thurs and 08:00-15:30 on a Friday, and it’s only a 15-20 minute drive from home, depending on traffic. It’s a temp job but the contract keeps being rolled over because the company has a recruitment freeze on… currently my contract is til the end of the year.
I’m not overly fond of the girls in the office – very bitchy – but I’m still in touch with the girls (and Minion from IRW.

I’m currently dorking out obsessively over bulletjournals and planners. I can spend hours watching #planwithme videos on youtube, I find them really relaxing – almost as much fun as actually doing it myself!

And in 10 days and 18 hours, I get on a plane that takes me to San Francisco for 2016’s shenanigans 😀

100 Things That Make Me Happy

As part of my 101 Things In 1001 Days I set out to write a list of 100 Things That Make Me Happy.

It took me something like 2 months to compile the list and I was mindful to try to make sure it wasn’t just fandom related – that it was very well-rounded and covered a variety of things that I enjoy.

If I’m honest, It was actually a lot harder to do than anticipated. I don’t know if that’s just because of how down I’ve been over the last 6 months or so. At the same time, though, writing it and re-reading it has been a pretty good form of therapy. Reminding me of little things that make me smile – and nudging me to go and do some of them.

Anything than involves happiness is never a bad thing, right?

So here is 100 things that make Cassie happy
1. Going to bed and knowing I don’t have an alarm set in the morning
2. Having a hot bath, putting on warm & clean pjs and getting into a freshly made bed with clean bedding
3. Getting a forward-facing window seat with a table on the train to work
4. Getting any seat on the train home from work
5. My Natalie
6. My Dragon
7. Stargate SG1
8. Stargate Atlantis
9. Star Wars
10. TLOR gigs
Read More »

A desperate plea for help

As many of you know, I have struggled with depression for somewhere in the region of 20 years, and have had a bad run of it over the last couple of months since my mum died. This culminated in a suicide attempt at the beginning of February.

My doctor has kept me signed off work since, and I’ve returned to work this week.

I’ve had an email today from my HR department advising me that I won’t be getting paid for the 5 weeks I’ve been off and they will be deducting £1800 from my wages. This is more than my actual months wages and they will be splitting it over 2 months, deducting £867 gross from my March and April salaries.

This leaves me completely unable to pay my rent, my bills or even get to work. My monthly salary is £1572 gross so taking off the £867 leaves me with £705.50 gross – or about £550 after tax

My basic monthly outgoings come to £950ish a month.

You can see how the maths there doesn’t add up!

As you can imagine, I’m having epic panic right now. I’m trying to get hold of Citizens Advice to find out what options are available to me but I honestly don’t know how I’m going to manage.

Please, please, if you’re able to help, every penny is appreciated like you would not believe. I’ve set up a gofundme at https://www.gofundme.com/d3utncj2 because I literally don’t know what else to do

Thank you ❤

5 Fandom Friday: 5 Things in My Purse at All Times

I started this thinking ‘What a restricive topic, who has different stuff in their purse?’ I mean there’s just money, debit card, drivers license, Riley’s guitar plectrum and random receipts. But then I realised… oh, hey… this is probably meaning the American definition of purse so… what you’re actually asking me is 5 Things in My Bag at All Times?

Now this does vary depending on the bag I’m carrying and where I’m going. When I’ve got my rucksack there’s a lot more in it than when I’ve got my little bag. So, in my rucksack I have:

Medication Pretty important this one, although sometimes making me feel like a walking Boots. At minimum, I have my inhaler, ibuprofen, cocadamol, sertraline, propanolol and iron pils.

A book/my kindle To be fair, I commute to and from work so I always need something to read to kill the time. I have my kindle in case I finish the physical book. Also works as something of a security blanket when going into situations I’m not sure what’s happening and I’m on my own.
If I’ve got my small bag, it’s the kindle only

Planner/pen/notebook Either my diary and a pen or a notebook and a pen. Sometimes both, depending on where I’m going, what I’m doing and who I’m with. Well you never know when you’re going to need to make a note of something, write something down or, as a writer – when inspiration is going to strike.
If I’ve got my small bag, it’s a small notebook & a pen.

Wallet As mentioned up there, money and ID. Plus it’s a nice geeky emblem because it has a nice little SGC design on it.

The last item is Keys or Phone because these two vary between being in my pocket or being in my bag. Again, it depends on what bag I’ve got, where I’m going etc
House keys & car keys – I won’t get very far without these. I also have a radar key for using the disabled toilets.
Phone – I cannot live without it. It’s like missing my left arm if I don’t have it with me. My music lives on it too! But also there’s the safety issue as I’m a disabled woman travelling on my own a lot of the time