I’m really stressed out with work at the moment and it’s starting to have a negative impact on my depression. Combine that with a couple of weeks of shenanigans where my sleep pattern and med schedule got messed up, I had some really high highs and a couple low lows and… yeah, I’m mentally all over the place. I’ve fallen behind in housework and I’m not cooking or eating properly. I’m really glad of this long weekend to hopefully try and recharge. I’d like to get my kitchen cleaned, change my bedding and organise the chairdrobe but honestly, if all I do is just destress, then that’s perfectly fine because I need it.
And so, I need a little happy place right now. A little list of what makes me happy. My happy things. A list that doesn’t involve yoga or candles or any of the other generic self-care prompts that float around:
1. Going to bed and knowing I don’t have an alarm set in the morning
2. Having a hot bath, putting on warm & clean pjs and getting into a freshly made bed with clean bedding
3. Watching Stargate
4. Raintown gigs – with a side order of Paul’s hugs
5. TLOR gigs… and Riley greeting me by name with a kiss and a hug.
6. When I’m writing and the words flow just right
7. Losing myself in a good story for hours – regardless of whether it’s original fic or fanfic
8. The ability to download TV shows and movies and books and music
10. Going to the zoo
11. Caramel hot chocolate
13. My living room. The colours! Being surrounded by my books and my DVDs.
14. Curling up on my couch with a wordsearch
15. Getting a massage
16. Go for a walk in the park
17. Cherry Pepsi Max & Raisin Biscuit Yorkies
18. New stationery
19. Forced orgasms in bondage
20. Amanda Tapping, when she smiles and hugs me and kisses me and tells me I’m beautiful
I think the people I work with still think of ‘geek’ as being a negative thing. The majority of them are a good couple of decades older than me so to them, a geek is still that socially inept person that gets picked on. But to me, geek is exactly who I am. My dictionary defines it as
noun – a knowledgeable and obsessive enthusiast.
verb – be or become extremely excited or enthusiastic about a subject, typically one of specialist or minority interest.
and, HI! You’ve met me. I’m a very excitable enthusiastic llama about the things I love and a lot of those things aren’t the ‘social norms’. Like you won’t see me watching soap operas or reality tv or listening to pop music – but give me my sci-fi or Raintown and just watch me go *grins*
So yes, I quite happily accept geek as a personal adjective. It’s up there with fangirl (although I think geek and fangirl are pretty interchangeable really), music-lover, bibliophile (although I’ve not read anywhere near enough this year and am hoping to do something about that going forward) and writer (again, need to work on that!). I’m also an internet addict, a Hufflepuff, a blogger, a list-maker, a slasher, a history buff, a gig-enthusiast, I love to travel. Although I would say the top five I use most – and the way it’s on my bio is:
Hi, I’m Cassie. I am a 36-year-old English fangirl, music lover, bibliophile, writer, Hufflepuff, slasher and a geek.
When we were talking about it, I found it interesting that they described/defined themselves by their age, their job and their relationships to others – their husbands and their children.
And one of the things I’ve been working on is to focus on using the things I love. I mean, I could say I’m a 36-year-old orphan who works as a purchase ledger clerk and has depression – but that doesn’t tell you anything about ME, about what I love and enjoy doing.
I am a very excited llama.
Amanda Tapping was announced for Collectormania a while back. That in itself was enough to trigger utter glee, because… hi! Tickets purchased. Lots of joy and squee.
Then last night, Michael Shanks was also announced for Collectormania. There are no words in the English language – or any others – that can adequately express the sheer level of fangirl that triggered off. According to Dragon, I was very high pitched and squeaky and bouncing.
Michael is the only one of the original SG1 I haven’t met and Daniel is my favourite character and I just… I… words fail. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
As if that wasn’t enough, Richard Dean Anderson was announced for London Film & Comic Con. LFCC in 2015 was panic attack inducing for me and I spent most of the event hiding either in Pizza Express or outside because yeaaah that wasn’t fun. We seem to have tickets, however… And I figure hey, I’m a lot more balanced and I have the propanolol if need be.
Jack! Sam! DANIEL!
It is apparently a very good year to be a Stargate fan in the UK!
Christmas was – recent celeb deaths aside – a lot less traumatic this year. There were still tears and wanting to hide and I was utterly exhausted by Monday night but I survived without running way. I was once again adopted by Susan’s family. I ate all the foods, had all the presents, had fun and laughter.
I got a Hufflepuff phone cover, a Hufflepuff hoodie, a Hufflepuff badge, Harry Potters socks, Star Wars pyjamas, 2 pairs of Batman pyjamas, and a shower curtain.
I’d asked for pjs so I was very happy *grins*
Today I am planning on hibernating. I’m curled up in my bed, I have plenty of noms surrounding me and I’m starting my day with the movie Baby Bootcamp. For reasons of Danneel and Kavan. I think the most stressful thing I have planned is sorting out some of my to-read list for the 2017 Popsugar Reading Challenge.
There’s this meme that goes around Facebook every so often that says If you see me with a shirt on of a show, movie or whatever on it that you love, you have the right to sit your ass down in front of me and start talking. My public representation of my fandom is an invitation to come and talk to me about it and I swear to god it is so TRUE! Even more awesome is when it actually happens.
Sure it happens at cons but that’s a forum you expect. I spend half my time walking around cons going ‘omg i love your shirt’ or having someone say it to me. I went to see Civil War and this girl, pre-teen or early teens, exclaimed excitedly that she loved my Hydra jacket. I turned round to say thank you and she full on flailed at the fact I was wearing a Cap t-shirt and carrying a SHIELD bag.
I love it!
But I also love it when it happens in real life.
I went to Tesco to collect my new vacuum cleaner. I’d done the order online, collect from the store thing. I pull out my wallet to get my ID and the guy geeks out over it being SG1. We compare tattoos and con stories and facebook.
I went to Hobbycraft and the guy behind the till loves my Star Wars shirt.
I just love the whole sense of… belonging, of community, that there is in Fandom – even when it’s random, unexpected and offline
*draws sparkly orange hearts around fandom*