Well, hello there 2011

Having stopped and thought about it, a few major financial and health issues aside, 2010 was actually a pretty good year. It was the year of the ITBN! There were amazing conventions, fantastic concerts and even better friends. I moved back out of my mum’s house, and am getting on with much better again as a result. I lost weight. I came off the anti-depressants, I realised I don’t want to be dead and think I may have won this battle in the war against depression. I don’t feel guilty for feeling happy.

2011 started off having fun with friends, and I think that’s what I like the year to be about. Good times with good people… you can’t go wrong with that. And really, since it’s only like 2 hours to Louise’s and 3 hours to Susan’s, there’s no excuse!
I’m seeing Good Charlotte in February. I’d like to go to more concerts because it’s been far too long since I’ve been to any recently and I fuckin’ miss it!
There’s A6 and A7. There’s T2. There’s Con 1. Depending on guests, there’s Vampire Ball 2 and Roadhouse 2.

I’m starting the year with a better paid job, a 12 week contract, that’s closer to home and better paid.
I want to get my bookshelves moved to my place. This is my priority. I miss my books.
I want to get a cheap two-seater sofa, put it where my desk is, then turn my TV round so I don’t sit in bed all the time.
That looks and sounds like a plan. I approve

I think it’s going to be one of those days

I wake up hurting from last night, I pop a handful of Ibuprofen. I start getting ready for work. I step into my lil en-suite and frown because my feet are suddenly wet. I reverse, turn the bathroom light on. My carpet is rather soggy. I have a leak from my sink. I swear, I grab a bucket and put it under the sink. I call my landlord. My landlord calls a plumber. I call work.

Next step: soggy carpet is going on the line.

Then: I wait for a plumber.

*facepalm*

The current state of the Llama

I guess I should probably make my… uh.. monthly update. I really do intend to update more but I don’t really have anything to talk about.

I’m undergoing CBT – cognitive behavioural therapy – for my depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and panic attacks. Part of me thinks its a big pile of hippy mumbo-jumbo bullshit but the other part of me thinks this therapy is a really good idea and I can see how it would help.

I’m still on the 40mg of Citalopram. My sicknote runs out this week but I have another appointment with the doctor tomorrow. I personally would prefer him to sign me off again. Yes, I’m a LOT better than I was a month ago but I still have panic attacks going to ASDA… so I don’t think I’m quite up to looking for work just yet.
Which sucks because I’m starting to get bored but what can I do?

Although, to be fair, I have been keeping occupied. I’ve been marathoning CSI. The Las Vegas one.
I want to be Grissom when I grow up. I want to fuck Sara senseless. I want a pet Greg. And Nick’s voice does things that make my insides tingly.

Oh, speaking of all things tingly… I’ve met a girl. Her name’s Lizzie. She’s intelligent, funny, plain-speaking, beautiful. And the sex is fucking amazing.
There also seems to be a correllation between getting laid and writing fic because I’ve been writing shit loads again. I signed up for a number of the bingo cards on livejournal: hurt/comfort, kisses, schmoop and kink. They really seem to have kick started my muse. It’s just a shame I really should be writing my Werewolf Big Bang.

Hmm… that’s a point. Maybe I should add a fanfiction page to the site. Add my new fics to it. That’ll keep me out of mischief, doing that. Yeah, think I wil.

What else have I been up to?
I’ve looked at a couple of places to rent. Just waiting to hear back from landlords.
I’m all signed up for my university course: A BA(Honours) in Humanities with Creative Writing and Classical Studies. I REALLY wanted to do Classical Studies & The History Of Science, Medicine & Technology but they’ve stopped doing all teh science/medicine/technology courses which makes me a sad llama

That;s about it from the land of the llama
I shall try to update a little more often in future. No, really!

Health consists of having the same diseases as one’s neighbors.

It’s been an exhausting last couple of days and I want nothing more than to be curled up in my bed. Oh my head is pounding and I’m tremblyshaky yet damn pleased with what I’ve accomplished.

Yesterday was a doctor’s appointment. My doctor – who I actually really like – is on sabbatical for three months. I saw his stand-in who put me at ease instantly and I found relatively easy to talk to. Explained everything that had happened over the last few weeks.
He signed me off for a month and doubled my dosage of citalopram. He’s only going to prescribe a week at a time and is insistent that my mum keeps them – that she keeps all painkilers etc – which she’s already doing.
He’s also telling me that I have to make sure I, at the minimum get out of bed everyday and that he wants me up, washed, dressed and leaving the house each day.

Today I saw my therapist, Julie – who’s really concerned about how low I am and, that if things haven’t picked up when I see her again next Friday with the new dosage wants to discuss me going into Shelton – psychiatric hospital – for a ‘break’
MEEP
Talked over everything that’s happened – she agrees with the doctors aims and that I need to keep on writing down the emotions diary and all that.

As if that wasn’t enough, with a lot of help from my mum, I completed the application for Disability Living Allowance. And that thing is fucking HUGE. It took us well over an hour to fill in and be happy with all the information we’ve given.
DAMN

I got a very nice letter from the DWP today confirming that my application for Employment Support Allowance had been processed and that I’m getting the pricely sum of *drum-roll-please* £64 a week. (That’s about 100$US)

We are the people our parents warned us about

I’ve been awake for less than an hour. I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet. But today has already been incredibly productive. I’ve put in my claims for unemployment benefit – however, for the first time ever I’ve not applied for Jobseekers Allowance. I’ve gone for what used to be called Incapacity Benefit but is now called Employment Support Allowance. According to the website ESA is Employment and Support Allowance is a benefit for people who cannot work because of illness or disability because right now the idea of getting out there, looking for a job and god forbid attending an interview is sending me in to tail-spinning panic attacks.

I’ve also been sent an application form for Disability Living Allowance, so we’ll see if anything comes of that once I’ve filled in the application.

Just doing that much has honestly left me exhausted, kinda shaky and desperate to crawl back into bed.
We’re not really feeling this whole ‘depression’ thing right now. In fact it rather sucks donkey balls.