The current state of the Llama

I guess I should probably make my… uh.. monthly update. I really do intend to update more but I don’t really have anything to talk about.

I’m undergoing CBT – cognitive behavioural therapy – for my depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and panic attacks. Part of me thinks its a big pile of hippy mumbo-jumbo bullshit but the other part of me thinks this therapy is a really good idea and I can see how it would help.

I’m still on the 40mg of Citalopram. My sicknote runs out this week but I have another appointment with the doctor tomorrow. I personally would prefer him to sign me off again. Yes, I’m a LOT better than I was a month ago but I still have panic attacks going to ASDA… so I don’t think I’m quite up to looking for work just yet.
Which sucks because I’m starting to get bored but what can I do?

Although, to be fair, I have been keeping occupied. I’ve been marathoning CSI. The Las Vegas one.
I want to be Grissom when I grow up. I want to fuck Sara senseless. I want a pet Greg. And Nick’s voice does things that make my insides tingly.

Oh, speaking of all things tingly… I’ve met a girl. Her name’s Lizzie. She’s intelligent, funny, plain-speaking, beautiful. And the sex is fucking amazing.
There also seems to be a correllation between getting laid and writing fic because I’ve been writing shit loads again. I signed up for a number of the bingo cards on livejournal: hurt/comfort, kisses, schmoop and kink. They really seem to have kick started my muse. It’s just a shame I really should be writing my Werewolf Big Bang.

Hmm… that’s a point. Maybe I should add a fanfiction page to the site. Add my new fics to it. That’ll keep me out of mischief, doing that. Yeah, think I wil.

What else have I been up to?
I’ve looked at a couple of places to rent. Just waiting to hear back from landlords.
I’m all signed up for my university course: A BA(Honours) in Humanities with Creative Writing and Classical Studies. I REALLY wanted to do Classical Studies & The History Of Science, Medicine & Technology but they’ve stopped doing all teh science/medicine/technology courses which makes me a sad llama

That;s about it from the land of the llama
I shall try to update a little more often in future. No, really!

Here We Go Again

*sigh*
I had a probationary review hearing at work on Thursday – and lost my job with immediate effect, one weeks pay in lieu of notice. Too much absence. Getting really sick of this shit now. Not quite sure why I’m bothering to go out and get a job when I just lose it again. Clearly, I fail.

Going to go ring up the benefits people, discuss options. I know I want to go through a claim for DLA for mental and physical and then maybe I don’t know, incapacity rather than jobseekers.
I’ll see what they’ve got to say

My mum’s trying to get me to get out of bed but really? What;s the point. It’s not like I’ve got anything to get out of bed for.
I’d much rather lay here, comfy, watching Angel and reading.

I’m almost caught up on Angel.
Actually ended up enjoying S4 – the whole Jasmine plot was great. I’m also just incredibly amused at how Joss Whedon seems to keep reusing the same stable of actors!
S5 so far… I mean yay for Spike but the whole running Wolfram & Hart business. That’s just a HUGE WTF with me, it really is.
I’m eye-rolling constantly
How long til I get the Tiny Texan back?

And that was Saturday.

My face is still swollen but I look much more like a llama than a freaking hamster. I’m not impressed with the bruising around my lip and the corner of my mouth but what can you do? The wound itself is healing nicely. The anti-biotics are EVIL – they’re big, powdery and you can feel them going all the way down. BLECH

I had to call in sick again and well, when I was ringing them, THEY kept asking me to repeat myself because they couldn’t understand me. Yeah, definitely think that was the right move heh. It’s eased up a lot through the course of the day and so long as I don’t laugh or sneeze it’s not too bad.
I do, however, seem to have developed a rather amusing lisp. Although I don’t think it’s going to be amusing for much longer so I’m hoping my tongue stops finding the gap because… yeah

I didn’t really do much today. Caught on up on TV shows. Flailed lots over Bones. Love Garcia in Criminal Minds. Wanna hug the NCIS LA crew. Just got two episodes of NCIS to watch and I’m up to date.

I also stripped and remade my bed, which you really don’t give a shit about. But I’m high on painkillers so I’m just gonna type whatever comes into my head. And I rejigged my to-read pile
as all the new books I got from readitswapit were screwing my pile up. Not that I have a system or anything but the piles were all wonky and it was bugging me.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately. Mainly because I haven’t been wanting to be online. Partially I think as like a people detox after Asylum but also because I don’t know if it’s just me having anxiety issues but I feel like shit’s getting weird and I don’t want it to be and I don’t know if its just me so I’m being an… is it an ostrich that buries their head in the sand? I’m not sure but that’s what I’m doing – ignoring shit and losing myself in Poppy Z Brite’s books. Did I already say that recently? Not sure but oh I am and loving Rickey and G-Man… almost as much as I love Steve & Ghost which seriously should tell you something!

Lois brought the baby round. Luckily it didn’t scream or anything. Connor still plays with anything and is still fascinated by my tweety pir. And apparently whenver Jasmine makes any sound, Connor pokes her *giggles* This amuses me.

The one productive thing I did do today was fill out all the paperwork for OU. I filled in and mailed back the Access To Learning form. I filled out all eleven billion pages of the financial aid form – all I need from there is a copy of my passport verifying and I’m seeing my doctor and my counsellor on the 3rd June so I’ll get that done then. I also need a letter from my doctor for the Disabled Students Allowance application.

Think that’s about it for me. Time to carry on watching NCIS!

Mrphgle

A week before Concon and what happens? I get sick. I’ve had a stinking cold for about a week now and it’s been pinging my asthma since the weekend. Monday I had to call in work sick because I had a temperature, every cell in my body ached etc. Drove in to work yesterday, then drove home again before I even started, went straight down the doctors. Breathing was working so long as I wasn’t doing anything else at the same time, such as y’know, walking or talking.

Saw Dr Harper (no, not Owen) who diagnosed me with an Upper Respiratory Tract Infection. He also gave me many drugs. I have antibiotics for the infection (which are starting to kick in). I have steroids for my asthma (which are starting to kick in) and I’m on mega-doses of my inhalers to keep them calm from the spasming of the airwaves.
Mrph.

I’m glad, however, I’m sick this week and not next. Because that would suck uber donkey balls. This week has so far been spent in bed reading the Percy Jackson series of books. Monchichi told me about them and I went straight to the internets, found and downloaded e-books. I’ve already read the first 3 and and half way through the 4th
So. Much. Love.

Now, however, I’ve finished doing today’s downloading so will be curling up to watch White Collar, NCIS, NCIS LA and Melrose Place before continuing to watch The Forgotten.

It’s aliiiive!

Loving
Tracy Bonnie Jess Cecilie Solnushka Rammi Emily

Hah so much for saying I was going to blog more often… I say that then fall clean off the face of the internet. It’s a good job I wasn’t doing NaNoWriMo or MiniWriMo or NaBloPoMo because I would have failed and epically so!

Work – or more specifically, the training course, had completely eaten my brain over the last two months. It’s been very intense but I am now on my last couple of days of training and passed my assessment with flying colours. We’re talking NINETY FUCKING EIGHT PERCENT HERE!
Very pleased about that.

I’m hoping that now I’m not studying and revising so much I’m going to start having a little ‘me’ time of an evening.
We’re talking I’ve been that bogged down I’ve barely even had time to play Farmville!

So, what have I been up to since I last blogged?
Same old, same old, to be honest. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing, actually, because I quite enjoy ‘same old’ since… well… its what I enjoy!
Although, admittedly it has just been lot of studying and revising for work, mostly. But I guess it paid off since, like I said, I passed with flying colours!

I went to a couple of Jason Manns gigs that were absolutely awesome, but then his gigs always are. It was great to catch up with the girls too – I only really see some of the girls at his gigs so its always a good couple of nights.
I went to three of the five gigs he did over here – Bewdley with my friends Emma & Jude, and then two in London with Susan, Claire, Helen, Dan & Helen.
I’ve seen the guy play far too many times but I doubt I’ll ever stop going – I love the intimacy of the gigs, I love how it’s the same crowd have been going for 2 years and we’ve all got to know each other and he’s gotten to know us and its just so laid back and relaxed.

I’ve been starting to socialise with my training group. And yes, this is actually quite a big thing – going out with people in RL is not something I do but we all went for a meal in Nandos last week and I… actually had fun. Quite surprised myself actually
An hour or so later when a food allergy kicked in I wasn’t having quite so much fun but what can you do?
Evil peppers!

The two main things I’ve done that I’m in serious glee about are booking my ticket/flights for ConCon and joining the gym.

ConCon is the official convention for the TV show Leverage – aka my favourite TV show – that’s happening in Portland in March 2010.
Susan and I are flying out on March 18 from Heathrow and spending a nice long weekend with lots of friends: Amara, Lisa, Sarah, Flipp, Shel, Dee, Katie et al.
And, most importantly, it’s a nice long weekend spent with my girlfriend Nicole ♥
All the cast are going to be there (SQUEAK CHRISTIAN KANE ZOMG!) and the creators and the writers and there’s a set tour and a banquet and a cocktail evening and autographs and photo sessions and and and and apparently a Kane performance too (OMGOMGOMG CHRIS AND STEVE SQUEE)
I CANNOT WAIT – IT’S GONNA BE A KICK ASS WEEKEND

Last Saturday I made the very random, completely out of the blue, decision to join my local gym. Rang them then and there on the spot, they had a vacancy for an induction in like ten minutes time. So I raced down, filled in all the paperwork, paid over my hard-earned cash and joined. For the monthly fees I get a personal trainer, access to the gym at any time, the swimming pool, the health suit (mmm jacuzzi!) and all fitness classes too (yay aquaerobics!)
So far all I’ve done is gone swimming a couple of times but tonight (in about half hour) I have my meeting with my personal trainer to put together my workout plan etc. Quite excited but very nervous too!

Anyways, that’s me
How the devil are you?!