She’ll never know that I’m the best she’ll never have

Yesterday was a very… exciting day. It involved falling over, passing out and calling 999 – all three incidents completely unrelated to each other!

I had my appointment at the doctors to have more tests done. Which is where the fun starts, because it seems in all their wisdom, no-one bothered to grit the doctors office carpark or the path that went from the car park to the door. I went flying, jarred all my right side – which is always my sorest side anyway.
GREAT start to the day.
I lodged a complaint. They apologised.

This time, blood tests. Now, you know me… I don’t do good with needles or blood or anything doctor-related. And this was for a full blood work, so they were taking 4 fucking vials. Because I know I’m a fainter, I warned her first so I get to lie down. It was a phlebotomist who did the test rather than a nurse so she asked me if I pass out does she get a nurse, to which I reply that no I’ll come round and she’s best just carrying on. I passed out, and she did. I can tell the difference with a phlebotomist vs a nurse taking the blood though – no bruise or anything.

So now I just play the horrible waiting game… I don’t know if I want the rheumatic markers to come back as negative or positive.
If its positive, then that fuckin sucks because it would mean I’m 29 and have arthritis in my knees, hips (which is a given anyway!), wrists, shoulders, elbows and fingers. BUT it means we have a diagnosis (finally!) and can start to do something about it.
If its negative, then I’m still in fucking pain and we still don’t know why.

It’s safe to say that regardless of what the tests show, I’m a seriously fuckin scared llama

My other task for the day was to go to Wellington and pick up a parcel from the delivery office. It went nice and smooth, even though my ID has a different address – note to self – send your driving license off to get it updated!. But when I was making my way back to the car, a girl walking towards me slipped over on the ice, hit her head, hurt her back and couldn’t get back up again. She was dizzy, nauseous… all my first aid kicked in and I didn’t know I still knew half of it, so that was quite a nice feeling really. I called 999, I grabbed a couple blankets from Lotte and stayed with her until the ambulance came. I was really surprised how everyone who walked past though came over and made sure she was ok, if we needed anything. That was also really nice.

I think that’s about it and I have no plans for today (although I do want to reorganise my icons and I do need to update my fic sticky over at livejournal, and start getting my fanfic up on here) so I think I’m gonna snuggle down and carry on with Buffy season 2.
I still adore Buffy/Angel and Willow/Oz and Spike/Dru. I still can’t stand Xander/Cordy. I still think Angelus is so much more fun than Angel.
I got as far as Phases last night, which was amusing because I was in a total werewolf mood – I was reading and writing werewolf fic, as well as watching Phases. I’m almost tempted to download some cheesy werewolf movies when I go round mum’s later… any recommendations?

New Years Resolution

I don’t usually make New Year’s Resolutions – I tend to work on the theory that if I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it NOW rather than waiting for a new year. But current health issues are preventing me from making this particular change now.

I intend to remember I have a blog. This blog. And use it. Actually update it. I’m using my livejournal, my twitter and my facebook but have been neglecting my poor little blog.

So, for a quick update: A courage strains after the corpse, I’ve settled in my new place, I’m still temping at QMP – but my boss is making permanency noises, I’m still dating Lizzie. The Kane gig and The Vampire Ball were awesome. I’m still as lacking in money as ever. I have tendonitis in my elbows, arthritis is fucking with my fingers, wrists, elbows and shoulders as well as my hips and knees.

That’s about it, really. It’s a very exciting life I lead, don’t you know?!

I think it’s going to be one of those days

I wake up hurting from last night, I pop a handful of Ibuprofen. I start getting ready for work. I step into my lil en-suite and frown because my feet are suddenly wet. I reverse, turn the bathroom light on. My carpet is rather soggy. I have a leak from my sink. I swear, I grab a bucket and put it under the sink. I call my landlord. My landlord calls a plumber. I call work.

Next step: soggy carpet is going on the line.

Then: I wait for a plumber.

*facepalm*

The current state of the Llama

I guess I should probably make my… uh.. monthly update. I really do intend to update more but I don’t really have anything to talk about.

I’m undergoing CBT – cognitive behavioural therapy – for my depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and panic attacks. Part of me thinks its a big pile of hippy mumbo-jumbo bullshit but the other part of me thinks this therapy is a really good idea and I can see how it would help.

I’m still on the 40mg of Citalopram. My sicknote runs out this week but I have another appointment with the doctor tomorrow. I personally would prefer him to sign me off again. Yes, I’m a LOT better than I was a month ago but I still have panic attacks going to ASDA… so I don’t think I’m quite up to looking for work just yet.
Which sucks because I’m starting to get bored but what can I do?

Although, to be fair, I have been keeping occupied. I’ve been marathoning CSI. The Las Vegas one.
I want to be Grissom when I grow up. I want to fuck Sara senseless. I want a pet Greg. And Nick’s voice does things that make my insides tingly.

Oh, speaking of all things tingly… I’ve met a girl. Her name’s Lizzie. She’s intelligent, funny, plain-speaking, beautiful. And the sex is fucking amazing.
There also seems to be a correllation between getting laid and writing fic because I’ve been writing shit loads again. I signed up for a number of the bingo cards on livejournal: hurt/comfort, kisses, schmoop and kink. They really seem to have kick started my muse. It’s just a shame I really should be writing my Werewolf Big Bang.

Hmm… that’s a point. Maybe I should add a fanfiction page to the site. Add my new fics to it. That’ll keep me out of mischief, doing that. Yeah, think I wil.

What else have I been up to?
I’ve looked at a couple of places to rent. Just waiting to hear back from landlords.
I’m all signed up for my university course: A BA(Honours) in Humanities with Creative Writing and Classical Studies. I REALLY wanted to do Classical Studies & The History Of Science, Medicine & Technology but they’ve stopped doing all teh science/medicine/technology courses which makes me a sad llama

That;s about it from the land of the llama
I shall try to update a little more often in future. No, really!

Here We Go Again

*sigh*
I had a probationary review hearing at work on Thursday – and lost my job with immediate effect, one weeks pay in lieu of notice. Too much absence. Getting really sick of this shit now. Not quite sure why I’m bothering to go out and get a job when I just lose it again. Clearly, I fail.

Going to go ring up the benefits people, discuss options. I know I want to go through a claim for DLA for mental and physical and then maybe I don’t know, incapacity rather than jobseekers.
I’ll see what they’ve got to say

My mum’s trying to get me to get out of bed but really? What;s the point. It’s not like I’ve got anything to get out of bed for.
I’d much rather lay here, comfy, watching Angel and reading.

I’m almost caught up on Angel.
Actually ended up enjoying S4 – the whole Jasmine plot was great. I’m also just incredibly amused at how Joss Whedon seems to keep reusing the same stable of actors!
S5 so far… I mean yay for Spike but the whole running Wolfram & Hart business. That’s just a HUGE WTF with me, it really is.
I’m eye-rolling constantly
How long til I get the Tiny Texan back?